Monday, August 31, 2009

I'm Building an Ark Here...

No, we don't have out our building blocks or measuring tape like we did last year! This ark is just a metaphor. You see, I was at a Sunday School training at church last night when one of our ministers gave a great message. This is a Godly woman whom I very much admire delivering a very transparent lesson that I needed to hear.
She was speaking about how we doubt God. We feel like He calls us to do something but half way through or during the tough times we start to doubt that call and even to doubt God Himself!

Allow me to speak candidly here for a moment. Right before the message started last night, I had been talking with another homeschooler about how our years were going so far. I told her that last week was great, but the week before I was seriously ready to put them on the school bus! I was overwhelmed and frustrated. The kids were negative and did nothing but complain. My poor husband got "The Call" (Apparently there is secret man language I learned from my husband and neighbor. "The Call" is when the wife calls crying or complaining, there are crying and/or screaming kids in the background, and they are commanded to come home ASAP!). Jon actually got "The Call" almost every day that week and was really worried about me. Though last week was a great week I also made the horrifying discovery that my 3rd grader had forgotten how to borrow and carry in math and my 1st grader didn't know even and odd numbers. I had a total panic moment when I realized the enormous responsibility of homeschool where I'm responsible to teach them everything!
All this to let you know that we all struggle and to frankly tell you that I began to doubt God and this calling to homeschool that He gave me. You see, I got Biblical confirmation that homeschooling was what He wanted for our family at this time. Yet, I'd begun to question if I was doing the right thing, was I harming my kids, and could I survive. The responsibility of it all was weighing heavily on me.
Last night Alicia mentioned Noah as one of the faithful whom God called to do a huge thing. The question was, despite knowing God called him to this do you think even Noah had moments of doubt. Anytime I think of Noah out there with his saw and hammer I always imagine what his neighbors were doing. They had to think he was crazy and probably enjoyed watching it and wondering how long before he completely lost it (I feel a lot like Noah sometimes that some of my friends think I'm crazy to homeschool and are just waiting for me to completely lose it-
and there have been moments...).
Yet last night for the first time, God caused me to think of another angle (Don't you just love it when God gives you a fresh perspective on a well known story???). Last night I realized that Noah wasn't just building a boat for himself and some animals he was going to put his entire family on it! Let that sink in for a moment. I think it's easier for us to say we would risk ourselves for something we believe in, but how much more faith does it require to risk your entire family?
So like me, Noah had to feel the overwhelming weight of responsibility for not only his own future but that of his children. Despite being a man known for thousands of years due to his great faithfulness, I don't believe he was any more capable of carrying that huge burden than I am, but God was and is!
Praise God that He is there to help me when I feel I can't survive the stacks of laundry, dirty diapers and lesson plans just as much as He was for Noah. There may be a day that God will let us know that homeschooling is not the path He wants our family on at that time. Until then, I will do my best not to doubt Him again. I will admit that I can't handle it all and be thankful I have a God who can :)


Ashley said...

Great post, Tonya. I am loving your HS blog!

Wife of the Pres. said...

Wow. Thanks for sharing. I feel like giving up just about every day, but I somehow knew there would be days like that. And I am NOT going to give up. :)