An Epiphany...

There are days when I have to take a time out from school in order to catch up on my housework. Although I know the ability to do this is one of the great things about homeschooling, I always feel really guilty about it. However on this day the babies were napping, A was upstairs playing Barbies, and I walked in the living room to find this which caused me to have an epiphany. You see, this boy does not really play with toys. The fact that I walked in and found him diligently playing with his airplanes was wonderful to see. He had been using his imagination and playing like this for an hour. I realized I could have taught him many things about space or math on this afternoon, but what he learned all on his own playing is invaluable. These moments of peace and quiet time are the true gift of homeschooling we give to our children. I'll try not to feel as guilty next time I'm cleaning the kitchen, until he and his sister start fighting anyway!

I'm Building an Ark Here...

No, we don't have out our building blocks or measuring tape like we did last year! This ark is just a metaphor. You see, I was at a Sunday School training at church last night when one of our ministers gave a great message. This is a Godly woman whom I very much admire delivering a very transparent lesson that I needed to hear.

She was speaking about how we doubt God. We feel like He calls us to do something but half way through or during the tough times we start to doubt that call and even to doubt God Himself!

Allow me to speak candidly here for a moment. Right before the message started last night, I had been talking with another homeschooler about how our years were going so far. I told her that last week was great, but the week before I was seriously ready to put them on the school bus! I was overwhelmed and frustrated. The kids were negative and did nothing but complain. My poor husband got "The Call" (Apparently there is secret man language I learned from my husband and neighbor. "The Call" is when the wife calls crying or complaining, there are crying and/or screaming kids in the background, and they are commanded to come home ASAP!). Jon actually got "The Call" almost every day that week and was really worried about me. Though last week was a great week I also made the horrifying discovery that my 3rd grader had forgotten how to borrow and carry in math and my 1st grader didn't know even and odd numbers. I had a total panic moment when I realized the enormous responsibility of homeschool where I'm responsible to teach them everything!

All this to let you know that we all struggle and to frankly tell you that I began to doubt God and this calling to homeschool that He gave me. You see, I got Biblical confirmation that homeschooling was what He wanted for our family at this time. Yet, I'd begun to question if I was doing the right thing, was I harming my kids, and could I survive. The responsibility of it all was weighing heavily on me.

Last night Alicia mentioned Noah as one of the faithful whom God called to do a huge thing. The question was, despite knowing God called him to this do you think even Noah had moments of doubt. Anytime I think of Noah out there with his saw and hammer I always imagine what his neighbors were doing. They had to think he was crazy and probably enjoyed watching it and wondering how long before he completely lost it (I feel a lot like Noah sometimes that some of my friends think I'm crazy to homeschool and are just waiting for me to completely lose it-

and there have been moments...).

Yet last night for the first time, God caused me to think of another angle (Don't you just love it when God gives you a fresh perspective on a well known story???). Last night I realized that Noah wasn't just building a boat for himself and some animals he was going to put his entire family on it! Let that sink in for a moment. I think it's easier for us to say we would risk ourselves for something we believe in, but how much more faith does it require to risk your entire family?

So like me, Noah had to feel the overwhelming weight of responsibility for not only his own future but that of his children. Despite being a man known for thousands of years due to his great faithfulness, I don't believe he was any more capable of carrying that huge burden than I am, but God was and is!

Praise God that He is there to help me when I feel I can't survive the stacks of laundry, dirty diapers and lesson plans just as much as He was for Noah. There may be a day that God will let us know that homeschooling is not the path He wants our family on at that time. Until then, I will do my best not to doubt Him again. I will admit that I can't handle it all and be thankful I have a God who can :)

In the Interest of Full Disclosure...

I've been avoiding doing this post for a couple of weeks because I've been struggling how best to say what I'm feeling. Most of my friends are not homeschoolers. In fact, I have several teacher friends who are not big believers in it (of course, most of us weren't and then changed our minds once we became parents!). Therefore, I become ridiculously self-conscious about posting something negative about homeschooling. I completely realize this is my insecurity. Whether any of my friends or family believe in it or not, I know in my heart they support me through all things. Still, when it comes time to share that things aren't going so well, I don't want to "give it a bad name" for lack of a better way to put it. Therefore, when things became a lot harder in the last few weeks I just didn't post anything.

However, I've had several people lately asking me questions who are interested in trying homeschooling. Then I've had 2 say they couldn't do all the creative stuff they see on my blog. I realized I have been doing them and me a disservice by not being 100% honest about struggles as well as triumphs. Believe me there are a lot more days where we're doing workbooks than measuring Noah's Ark!

So, in the interest of full disclosure: week 3 and 4 were pretty awful. Week 3 I had fallen down the stairs and was sore and in a lot of pain. That definately made me lose my patience more often! I felt very overwhelmed and negative about the entire adventure.

Week 4 I felt a little better, but the kids were less than cooperative. I couldn't get them to sit and finish their work. Every time I turned my back or got up to do something they would goof off. We were seriously working 6 or more hours a day just to get 4 hours of work done because they were playing more than working. Jon and I had several talks with them about how if they would just sit down and do their work they could be done for the day and have more time to play. It took countless conversations, but I think they finally got the picture because they were getting up before me and sneaking downstairs to start their work to surprise me! However, nothing grates on my nerves more than trying to hurry them so that I can get on to the million other things I need to do as well! That's not to say that the problem is solved. In fact, we struggle with it at some point each and every day!

So, this is just to assure you that there have been low moments when I wistfully watched the bus go by wishing I could stick them on it and take a nap. However, we have all persevered and are doing better than ever about understanding what does and does not have to be done each and every day. A lot of the stress came from me the overachiever. I also had to take a hard look at what I was expecting them to do every day. For example, I have decided to do a Saxon math lesson only 3 days a week. If you do every little part of those lessons, they can take over an hour and was way overkill. My kids are both working well above grade level in math any way, so now we do 3 lessons a week and a quick and fun math activity on the other 2 days. There were other things I was making them do every day for no apparent reason, like Ashton reading all 60-70 of her flashcards. That is something that can be done once or twice a week and still stay fresh in her mind. I've also decided to do science one week and social studies the next. That's the way I taught in school any way and it allows us to focus and go a lot deeper into the topics each day.

Anyway, there are my confessions and partial solutions. I hope this helps someone who might be having a low point too. At least it is here for me to come back and reread it because I know we'll have another rough patch sooner or later!

Jon's Favorite Part of Homeschooling...

Jon says his favorite part of homeschooling is that he never knows what he's going to find when he comes home. Today he was really surprised to walk in to a tent and Biblical characters right in his own living room! We studied ancient Mesopotamia and the life Abram had in the city of Ur. Then we tried to imagine what his life must have been like when God called him to leave Ur and he ended up living in tents for years. One thing he probably would've had to do was make his own cloth. So, we practiced weaving on the classic pot holder loom. I loved doing this as a kid so much so that my family probably tired of receiving them as gifts! However, it was harder than I remember it being so we didn't exactly finish it, but hopefully they got the point any way!

I'm sure there were silly shephards, right?

I wish you could see Wesley's face because he thought they were too funny.

Truth be told, Jon probably laughed when he got home just at me in my shephard's attire but pretended it was the whole set up! Oh well, who can blame him?

My Favorite Part...

My favorite part of homeschooling is the fact that we can do it in our pajamas! Actually, that is what the kids and I were both looking forward to, but they have been so gung ho with their morning chores that they get up, brush their teeth, make their beds and get dressed. Therefore, they actually haven't been in their pajamas except this once, and it was only for part of the day. I, on the other hand, am in my pajamas every day. At least until the babies go down for their naps, the big kids have recess, and I can run up to grab a quick shower! I am REALLY trying to get up to have my quiet time and get ready before the kids awake, but it hasn't actually happened yet! So, hurray for perpetual pajama days!

A Conversation with My 7 Year Old Son...

I have to get this down before I forget it:

Jackson: Mom, I feel different.
Me: In what way?
J: I'm being nice to the babies...
Me: What do you think has made that difference?
J: Well, it was my friend Parker. He was always saying bad words and making me say bad words cause I was like part of their gang, but I didn't want to be.
Me: You said bad words?
J: Well, maybe but I didn't want to. They tricked me. They would make me hold my tongue and say words that would sound like bad words, but I didn't know.
Me: There's going to be a lot of people in your life that try to make you do things. You have to stand up for yourself.
J: I'm just so glad to be away from all of them. They were making my heart feel black. I don't like that feeling. I'm glad to be homeschooled.
Me: Me too, baby, me too.


For several months now Jackson has been crying that his heart hurt. He always said it felt black. We prayed with him and for him, but he continually complained to the point that I asked the doctor about it and was ready to talk to Pastor Reagan about it. Now I think it was some things he had done but was too embarrassed to tell us about or maybe stress from some situations he was in that the Holy Spirit was convicting him about. Regardless, I am glad to have him home for however long we decide to stay on this road. I have to make sure I use this time to equip him with a foundation to withstand the world. What a big responsibility and mostly what an honor!

Divine Cofirmation...

Those of you who are veteran homeschoolers might be frustrated at this, but I am still nervous if I made the right decision in choosing to do this for my family. I guess anytime you make a big decision there is always some nervousness and probably always will be. Yet, this morning I stood amazed at God's faithfulness and knowledge that he doesn't get frustrated at me but wants to comfort me.

I got up extra early determined to have my quiet time before starting the school day (I usually have it while the twins are napping). Unfortunately, I was joined in the early hour by a little chatty girl who was excited about her first day and wakeful twins who would make a quiet time unachievable. After I got everybody changed and fed I ran upstairs determined to steal at least a little time.

I have been using my Esther study by Beth Moore as my quiet time but knew I didn't have time to do it. I tried unsuccessfully to read through the Bible last year. I didn't get very far as I much preferred doing Bible studies. Since I didn't have much time today I thought I would just read the next chapter where I left off (I highlight them after I read them). I opened up to Deuteronomy chapter 11 (I told you I hadn't gotten very far). After reading loads of homeschooling sites I know this chapter contains THE verse in support of homeschooling Deut. 11:19: "Teach them (your laws) to your children talking about them when you sit at home and you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up." It just overwhelmed me that of all chapters and all verses God had me read those today. I don't know about you, but I am always open to a little divine comforting and confirmation. Our Lord is so good that he knows the smallest thought in our mind and wants to care for us in every way. It was so wonderful to start my day with this verse fresh in my mind and praising the Lord. Isn't that what every day should be like and what we are called to teach our children when we are at home, on the road, lying down or getting up?

T-Minus 7 Days...

We officially begin our homeschooling in 7 days, and I am nowhere near as prepared as I wanted to be at this point. We have had the plague-S around here the last week and a half. Four of us have had strep throat, 4 of us have had the stomach virus (my husband and I had both), and my sweet daughter just had a coughing-fever running funk. Therefore, we have just been trying to survive taking care of sick kids while feeling awful ourselves. Then there is the Christmas clutter of the ridiculous amount of toys the kids got to find a place for.

I do know everything I will be covering for the first few weeks. I have put lots of thought into it, but haven't had time to put work into it. I have been piling all my resources in one room and have bought or collected lots of things. But, I really need to get in there and organize all of it. I also have a plan book that I need to write all those ideas running around in my head down in. I need to prepare things like flashcards and lapbooks. These are all chores I am really looking forward to. I'm just praying for health and productivity in this next week. I really want to hit the ground running with the kids so a fun first week will convince them that this whole homeschooling thing really will be cool after all!

Pros and Cons...

So, as we gear up to start our fun homeschooling journey I am trying to think of the pros and cons for each of my children and myself.



First, there is my wonderful 7 year old son. He is a learner by nature. He is interested in lots of things, especially science and math.



PROS: 1. He loves to learn and will be really into it if its something he's interested in.

2. He's really good in math and will benefit from individualized instruction and especially how Saxon teaches.

3. He loves science and will enjoy as many hand on activities as I can throw at him.

CONS: 1. He can be hard to get moving and get started.

2. He can talk down to his sister when she doesn't know something or try to be helpful but end up just telling her the answer.

3. His interest can jump from thing to thing so I need to make sure he focuses enough to master one topic.

Secondly, there is my lovely 5 year old daughter. She is very eager and loves arts and crafts.

PROS: 1. She will love me working one-on-one with her and will be eager to please and do well.

2. She actually already asks if we can start homeschooling, even on a snow day from regular school!

3. She is very creative and will come up with her own ways to learn things.

CONS: 1. She always wants my attention and will be unhappy when I am working with her brothers.

2. It will never be enough with her. If she is into it she will want to do more and more and more.

3. She cannot handle criticism and gets her feelings hurt if I correct her at all.

Thirdly, there are the 17 month old twins. I am really motivated to involve them in organized learning in their own Tot School.

PROS: 1. They are so smart and love having our attention to show them new things.

2. It will make me be sure to spend time with them individually which I sometimes get too busy to do.

3. They usually take a 3 hour nap!

CONS: 1. I have to make sure all 4 kids are getting enough attention from Mommy-yikes!

2. Making sure the big kids have fun involving them without being too rough or overbearing.

3. They will be upset if the big kids and I are working in the kitchen and they are stuck behind the gate in the living room.

Last but not least there is me: teacher/mommy! I am very passionate about curriculum and planning so having complete control of this is a dream come true for me, but I am realistic about my shortcomings too.

PROS: 1. I feel like I am very creative and determined to find fun ways to teach them.

2. I am truly passionate about teaching and learning and am looking forward to learning new things along with them.

3. My kids, along with my wonderful husband, are truly my best friends. I am so excited about just having all this time to spend with them.

CONS: 1. I tend to rebel at being locked into a schedule. It will be hard for me to be disciplined in that way, but I know for the kids' sake I need to be.

2. I am an overachiever. I will probably bite off more than I can chew. I want to teach them about everything and stress myself out about fitting it all in.

3. I am by nature an introvert and will have to work hard to go to get together and network with other homeschoolers so my kids will get the socialization they need. I tend to want to be a homebody but will have to make myself get out and be active.

I said I was the last, but I have to include my great husband. I can't do this without him, obviously! He swore we would never homeschool but came to agree that it was something we were being called to do. He will be an amazing asset and a realist to keep us on track!

PROS: 1. He has already listened to be talk about curriculum for hours and hours and always manages to give me great feedback.

2. He is Mr. Science and is very excited about doing experiments and exploring things like weather with the kids.

3. He is the active one. I am really counting on him to be the P.E. teacher since that is so not my forte. We are really blessed with his work schedule so he can be home by 3 to get them out and active.

CONS: 1. He's too easy on me and won't use tough love to keep me disciplined!

2. I will probably be ready for some alone time when he gets home and will want him to take over!

3. This one is for both of us. I have told him that if I'm homeschooling it will be like I'm working full time. I will need a lot of time to both teach and prepare which will take time away from household chores which are already overtaking me! Somehow, we will both have to figure out how to balance this.

So, there's our family; the good and the bad! I know there will be lots of ups and downs as we undertake this journey. It, like anything, will be filled with challenges and successes. We will just have to cover it in prayer and push on!

THE Decision...

So, I hope to try to explain the journey God carried me on to finally arrive at the place that has me homeschooling my 2 children. I in no way think that I have all the answers. I know that I don't even have the right answer in that I no longer believe there is one right answer for everyone. Yet, through prayer, Godly counsel, and circumstances I believe I have made the right decision for my family.

To truly begin you need to understand that I am a public school teacher, and typically we public school teachers are not in favor of homeschooling. It could be that we see it as a knock against what we do, but for me it was that when I received a student who had previously been home schooled they were horribly behind the other kids academically. Of course, now I am much wiser and realize that that is certainly not the case for the incredible majority of homeschoolers. In fact, I believe it to be the opposite.

I was also caught up on the major reason most people list for objecting. That's right the 'S' word most homeschoolers are sick of hearing: socialization. I worried how my kids could be properly socialized being at home. After much reading and pondering I came to understand that sitting in a room with 20 other kids your age isn't exactly real-life socialization. Plus, I loved the point many people made about the fact that homeschooled children are able to socialize with people of all ages which is what I want for my children. Not to mention the obvious church friends, baseball teammates, ballet friends and hopefully fellow homechoolers we will meet.

There you have the reasons I was opposed to homeschooling in a former life (actually about up until about a year ago). I started thinking about homeschooling last spring when I started thinking about my sweet baby girl starting kindergarten in the fall. It just didn't seem right that my barely 5 year old would be away from me more than with me.

Still, I sent them this fall. I was very happy with the teachers they were given and their school. My decision is not a reaction to a negative situation in any way. They love their school. Yet, after being at school all day then coming home to homework, dinner, baths and bedtime we were all exhausted and not able to fit in having fun together. Most of all, I felt like I had no time to impart my faith to them. We said our nightly prayers, talked about moral decisions when they came up and attended church on Sunday mornings and nights. Yet, considering the world they will be living in when they grow up those things just didn't seem like enough. I felt like I needed to do a much better job equipping them for God's purposes. In fact, I came to realize that that is really my only job as a parent. We get so caught up in giving them the opportunities to become a baseball player, ballerina or doctor when we really need to give them the tools they need to be effectively used for God's kingdom.

Happy or not, I still was haunted by a belief that God was calling me to homeschool. In constantly thinking on it, He allowed me to have a few "light bulb" moments:

1. I don't have to answer the huge debate: which is better public school or homeschool. I just have to decide which would be better for my 2 (eventually 4) kids. Last January I took an amazing Bible study by Priscilla Shirer, Discerning the Voice of God. I learned about how the Holy Spirit convicts different people of different things. Therefore, He could be calling me to homeschool and my friends to send theirs to public school.

2. Homeschooling would allow me to spend time with my kids doing things we're never able to do. The most important one that excited me when this light bulb went off was to spend more time with family. We are blessed to have all of our family living within miles of us yet we never seem to have time to visit with them, especially my 2 grandmothers. It struck me how much our family alone could teach them about the important things of life and faith if given the chance.

3. In a public school my kids are getting part of the things they need to learn then in Sunday School they get the other part. Our prayer is that they put the two together in order to see how the goodness of God carries over to all aspects of life. I was perusing a homeschool curriculum book and was brought to tears seeing Bible verses interspersed with facts about science. How amazing is that?!!! I love one curriculum's motto "Teach them the way you wished you'd been taught." I would love to have known God's thoughts on science and learn history from a Biblical perspective to see how God has moved in all times.

4. I took a temporary position teaching at my kids' school. Being back into teaching after staying home for 6 years was amazing and exhausting. Again, I saw great things in the school, but it made me realize I could do a great job at home as well. With every challenge I was faced with as a teacher like not enough time to delve into subjects or trying to help students individually while there are 20 others needing you, I was further convicted that homeschooling was the right choice.

So, here I am at "Homeschool or Bust". I honestly just thought that was a funny title. Despite my confidence that this is God's will for us right now, I still have lots of fears and trepidations that I could bust! I worry that I'll try to do too much, that I won't be organized enough, that I won't have time for housework, that I'll neglect my 1 year old twins, that the kids will become bored or lazy, that they'll get sick of one another or me, that I'll never have any time for myself, that I'll be up all night planning for the next day, that I'll be too controlling, that they'll fall into watching too much TV, that we'll become hermits, that they'll miss out on fun school experiences, that it will become a financial burden...

I could go on and on, but here is my decision. We are going to face this as a season of life. God wants us to homeschool right now. I don't know where we'll be in 6 months let alone 6 years, but God does. I will rest in that, sit back and enjoy the ride- homeschool or bust!!!